What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to do ?

What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to do? she asked.
I juggled a few things in my mind but knew there was just one thing that encompassed every hard thing I’ve had to do in my adulthood.

‘The hardest thing I’ve had to do was obey God when every fibre in me was screaming out in pain, screaming to be set free from the agony, the shame , the torture, the unfairness;

‘The hardest thing I’ve had to do is wait’.  

God doesn’t force people to obey Him.
He’s given us our  free will and we can choose to walk away or quit at any time .
He doesn’t hold things against us, He’s a merciful God but at some point I felt I’d gone along with it for too long and suffered too deeply; I wasn’t going to give up after all that , I wanted to see what would happen if I saw it through to the end .

For a season I felt I understood what Abraham must have felt ; walking along that road to sacrifice his Isaac, obeying under the most unusual circumstances, not being able to tell, to talk about it, not wanting anyone’s ‘sensible’ human opinion, as understandably, no one would understand the madness of it.
And yet see him now, the father of many  generations ……
Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
1Co 1:25 NKJV

And so, yes, my hardest thing has been the hallmark of my life and has become my refining fire.  In the words of Samson in Judges 14:14,
“Out of the eater came something to eat, And out of the strong came something sweet.”

I couldn’t have obeyed without His grace, His help and His mercy . In the midst of it all , I know I’ve been far from perfect. I’ve stumbled many a day, I’ve cried, nagged , been wary , been deflated, felt hopeless but I know this for sure -He sees my heart and knows my efforts , I know He sees a tenacity and  is a rewarder of those who faint not.

People may not see the fruits of this ‘hard thing’ yet, but faith is the evidence of things not seen and what is more important is that I see them. I’ve got my evidence and that’s all that matters .
The Lord is not done with me yet! As long as He tarries ,keep Watching this space!

What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to do ?