The Forgiveness Pill

I used to be so conceited in this area of my life.

But we can not boast in ourselves. I must admit I knew it was a grace. Forgiving people was never hard for me, no matter what they had done. I would analyse things for a few minutes or  hours- occasionally even a few days and then for some strange reason (which I know has never been  of my own making), I would get over it quite quickly.

When I was around 11, I read a book my mum had on her dressing table.  The book was called Calm Down by Dr Paul Hauk.

This book so influenced my young mind that I believe it probably shaped part of my personality.

By no means am I saying I’m a calm person-  ( before my close friends and family let out a roar!) ( Having said that, I’m working on it though!) but I am saying that this book helped influence the way I see people, circumstances and myself.

I would kneel down at night and thank God for this strange quality I possessed. I was comfortable in my self. keeping grudges not only upset me but seemed such a burden I just honestly lacked the ability to bear a grudge. When I was at  school, friends would have people they didn’t speak to for weeks or months or even years because they had offended each other. This state of ignoring someone was called ‘keeping malice’. It was and still is something that is  completely alien to me. Something I have no idea how to do and by no means ever want to. I would try always to figure out  some reason or give some excuse for why ‘whoever’ had done ‘whatever’ to me, any hurt would soon change to other emotions , understanding, empathy , amusement and occasionally wariness or upset but never unforgiveness. I found myself always ready to genuinely apologise quickly whether I was wrong or right, whether whatever it was had been  my fault or there’s , whether they were younger, older ,taller or shorter! Eager to get it off my chest because my innermost desire  has  always been  to obey God, be at personal peace and I certainly did not want to cause someone to dwell in anger or upset because of me. I hardly get people apologising to me, hardly ever. It really is an unusual  place to be. But being so content in who I am made that easy and so all that wasn’t a problem.

Until one day…….

The hurt and betrayal was beyond a 5 minute ‘get -over- it’ pep talk to self. This time I had been pushed out of my comfort zone and for the first time ever I found myself struggling with forgiving so quickly.  For the first time I understood how people actually struggle with unforgiveness. It really was something I had never understood before, and again I say this inability to comprehend unforgiveness was a grace, a gift and not of my own making or personal ability .

This time I started wondering why it appeared that the grace I had put so much confidence in appeared not to be enough . Was it that I hadn’t been hurt badly enough before now? Was God trying to allow me experience something so that I could show more  understanding, become more empathetic, get off my high horse?

I knew I wanted to forgive and somehow at some point I believed I actually  had -until I started to see the signs of bitterness creeping in.

Many people feel they have forgiven and yet they are unwilling to forget. I am not  talking about being a doormat- I am talking about forgetting and releasing oneself from agony. These thoughts, feelings and emotions of unforgiveness and bitterness can change the very core of a person when they are left to brew for too long. Like a rodent having a field day, they gnaw away until the person becomes unrecognisable. Unforgiveness and bitterness steal joy, destroy relationships, affect physical and mental health and are self- punishing. I certainly did not want to become that person.

And so I knelt at the side of my bed one day and asked God to heal me.

To heal me from the sickness of unforgiveness and bitterness, I knew this was not something I was going to be able to do on my own , otherwise I would have done it.  God did it for me. There was an immediate lifting of a heaviness from my heart but I tell you, the healing and working  on my mind took many months.

It may not be an easy process, but with God all things are possible.

Don’t limit yourself by using words like ‘ I can’t’,’ I don’t want to’ or ‘I won’t’ forgive. Don’t limit your mind by saying  ‘I will forgive but I won’t forget’.

God’s grace is sufficient enough to make those memories fade .  Many people  worry about being taken for granted again. Learning from your experience does not mean you can not forgive or forget. Hopefully you are wiser today than you were yesterday and remember Jesus said in Matthew 6 vs 34 (NIV) ‘Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own’.

When we realise that in the terrible rebellious state that we were in and through all the things we consciously or unconsciously  do or don’t do each day, God chooses to forgive us and says He will forget our atrocities, then we should ask ourselves this question-‘Who are we not to let go of what our fellow man has or has not done?’

Love is the key. We need to look at ourselves and know that in our imperfect state we were forgiven, we need to  see people as God sees them and we need to love ourselves enough to want to avoid the effects of bitterness.

Hebrews 8 vs 12 ( NIV)

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins  no more.

Ephesians 4 vs 32 (NIV)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Matthew 6 vs 14-15. ( NIV)

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

To be continued……….

Be Encourgaed

Sisbee xx